


Letting Go

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: Partners [34]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny wants to punch Steve's parents in the face sometimes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Lucky for him Danny is there, M/M, Steve Is Bad At Feelings, and taking care of himself, and talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 19:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: He shifted, pressing a kiss against Danny's shoulder. "How did you know?" he managed.Danny didn't need to ask for clarification. "I know you." His hand curled protectively around the back of Steve's head. "The rest is just details."In the wake of Aunt Deb’s funeral, Steve finds some healing.





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> I should have written this almost a year and a half ago, back when Aunt Deb actually died in 6X12, but honestly I was so disgusted with the show through most of season 6 I kind of tried to pretend none of it was happening. But Lori2279 asked me recently whether I had ever considered writing this moment, and suddenly this fic appeared.

Aunt Deb's funeral was easier than Dad's had been. The grief was cleaner, not twisted up with anger and pain that never seemed to scar over no matter how many years it had been. There were no conspiracies looming on the horizon, no monster Steve needed to chase. They were simply mourning the loss of someone they loved, someone that had been in their lives and wasn't any longer.

More importantly, Mary was next to him. Deb had requested that they scatter her and Leonard’s ashes, but it had been Mary's idea that it be just the two of them. He was pretty sure Danny had thought they would take the chance to talk, which didn't happen, but the silence between them was as peaceful and comforting as it had been when they were kids and she would come color in his room. He liked it when she let him take care of her, even if all she needed was his presence.

Then they went back to the house, where Danny and the kids were waiting to hug them both as hard as they could. The rest of the ohana came over for a big potluck dinner, sharing stories about Deb well into the night. When Mary finally followed her daughter to bed, she hugged Steve tight. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for Dad's funeral," she whispered, voice thick again. “I don’t remember if I ever actually said that to you.”

Steve's throat tightened, hearing everything she wasn't saying. "It's okay," he murmured. "You didn't miss much."

Eventually, though, the house was quiet. Steve was making another pass through the kitchen, wiping down the counters one more time, when he realized Danny was watching him from the doorway. Steve looked up, surprised Danny wasn't saying anything, and was met with a look of such loving understanding that Steve's eyes suddenly filled.

He stopped moving, breathing deep to try and get a handle on the wave of emotion that had suddenly hit him, when Danny moved towards him with a sigh. "I shouldn't be surprised," he said finally, voice utterly gentle as he took the washcloth out of Steve's hand and guided him to the living room couch. "You fight _everything_. Why would this be any different?"

"I think you're confusing me with you," Steve managed, letting himself be led. His voice was scratchy in a way it hadn't been before, and though Steve wasn't ashamed of tears he couldn't seem to make himself _stop._ He tried throttling it back, the way he used to do so often, but after so many years with Danny he was no longer nearly as good at shoving his emotions down as he used to be.

From the look on his face, it was clear Danny could tell. "Sure, SuperSEAL." He pulled Steve down onto the couch next to him, one arm strong and sure around him. "It's just us, babe," he said softly, as if Steve’s sudden loss of control didn’t surprise him in the slightest. "World's not gonna end if you let yourself break down a little bit."

Steve squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath, then let himself collapse toward Danny until his head rested on his shoulder. Danny's arm tightened around him, lips pressing against Steve's hair.

It felt like it took a million years for the words to crawl up out of Steve's throat. "She tried _so_ hard to be my mom, too," he managed finally, the words ragged. "She couldn't... there was no way she had the money to take care of both of us, and Mary needed her more, but Deb was there _every_ closed weekend the academy had. Half the time I would barely talk, but she was still there." She always brought a deck of cards, so they could play poker when the silence got to be too much.

Danny's arm tightened around him. He probably had the same look on his face he always got any time he was reminded that Steve had finished high school at a boarding school - Danny would _never_ send his kids away - but his voice stayed gentle. "I always liked how stubborn she was."

The memory of Deb and Danny laughing together hurt, but it was a sweet pain. "She liked that about you, too. Said I needed it." His vision blurred, guilt suddenly welling up. She’d owed him nothing, not really, but she’d tried _so_ much harder than his actual mother seemed capable of. "I should have visited her more. I sent... I sent postcards sometimes, but I always told myself it was Mary she was close to. No reason for her to worry about me." He let out a ragged breath. "I didn't _understand_ , until Grace. What it was like."

Danny kissed his hair, his own voice thick. "She beat herself up, too, over the fact that she didn't just drag you home with her."

Steve squeezed his eyes shut at a fresh stab of pain. "She couldn't have. I knew that." He'd turned the reasons for it over and over again in his thoughts until they were worn down, as rote and familiar as anything in basic training.

"Just like she knew that you'd been dealt a shitty situation and handled it the best you could." Danny smoothed a comforting hand up and down Steve's arm. "You forgave each other a long time ago."

Steve swallowed, feeling like his chest had been cracked open. "I shouldn't have needed to forgive her for anything. It wasn't her fault."

"Fault had nothing to do with it," Danny said softly. "She gave Mary a home and didn't give you one. Pretty hard to forgive that, even with someone as great as Deb was. She knew that, too."

Hearing Danny say the words he'd never been able to say himself, even in the privacy of his own thoughts, felt like a dislocated shoulder being popped back into place. The rush of relief that followed was staggering enough to make his eyes fill again.

"That's it," Danny said soothingly. "Let it all out."

They wouldn't need to, though, Steve knew. The grief had eased back into what he thought it had been before, simple and clean. He shifted, pressing a kiss against Danny's shoulder. "How did you know?" he managed.

Danny didn't need to ask for clarification. "I know you." His hand curled protectively around the back of Steve's head. "The rest is just details."

Steve let out a shaky breath. He'd spent his entire life looking for home, even when he'd stopped believing in it. It wasn't until Danny, though, that he found it.

He could practically see Deb smile at him. _I'm just happy to know there's someone you tell your secrets to._

Steve swiped a hand over his wet cheeks. "Can we stay like this a little while longer?"

Danny rested his cheek against Steve's hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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